When the relationship between parents ends, their interactions don’t simply stop. If they have young children together, they may need to see one another regularly until their children become legal adults. If they have children with special needs, their kids may require their support for the rest of their lives.
The approach to custody matters may need to be a bit more controlled in cases involving children with special needs. Parents need to be especially attentive and focus more on cooperating to avoid destabilizing the life of a child with special needs.
How can parents approach custody negotiations to better support their child with special needs?
Focus on stability and predictability
All children thrive when they have routines. They can more easily meet the expectations of their parents when those expectations are clear and consistent. Children with special needs may have a more difficult time than other children of a similar age adjusting to new living environments, new schedules and new social groups when their parents share custody.
Parents often try to keep their child in the same home or at least in the same school district where they know the professionals working to educate them. Parents also need to maintain the same basic schedules and rules at both households so there is less confusion for the child. They may also need to plan to communicate more frequently about the child’s medical and educational concerns.
Recognize that solutions may differ from standard
In many shared custody scenarios, both parents push for an equal division of parenting time or as close to it as possible. Such arrangements may not be realistic for families who have children with special needs.
Particularly when the child requires regular therapy or specialized medical equipment, it may not be realistic for them to have regular overnight visits with one parent. Parents may need to adjust their expectations by focusing on what is best for their child instead of what feels best for them as a parent.
Parents may want to integrate special terms into the custody order, such as a right of first refusal for when one parent becomes unavailable. Instead of the child going to a care professional, they could spend time with the other parent.
Shared legal custody can also be an important consideration, as parents may need to work cooperatively to make decisions about the child’s upbringing, healthcare and education. Parents may need to have a plan in place to cover the exceptional costs that may come with a child with special needs.
Identifying the unique needs of a child and recognizing that dividing parental rights and responsibilities may be more challenging because of their special needs can help parents more effectively address custody matters. Those who employ a measured and focused approach to custody negotiations may have an easier time settling their disagreements amicably and setting terms that reflect the unique needs of their families.