5 things to let go of after divorcing an emotional abuser

On Behalf of | Oct 9, 2023 | DIVORCE - Domestic Violence |

Divorce is tough, especially from an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s tempting to believe that the journey stops at simply moving on, but that’s not the case. It is also about letting go of the harmful ties causing past pain and releasing the burdens of past abuse and things that continue to hold you back.

This process is crucial to coping effectively and paving the way to a healthier future.

Finally taking control

Breaking free from the habits formed with an emotional abuser can be challenging. You might be used to the old patterns. So, adjusting your reactions and emotions can be quite difficult when you’re striving to distance yourself from such toxicity. But to reach a state of peace, there are vital things you must let go of, such as:

  • Blame and self-doubt: Emotional abusers are experts at manipulation, often leading their victims to believe they are at fault. It is crucial to release this self-blame and realize the abusive behavior was never your fault nor something you deserved.
  • Fear: Living under the shadow of an emotional abuser can breed a constant sense of fear. It’s a daunting task, but essential to your healing, to gradually let this feeling go.
  • Isolation: Emotional abusers frequently isolate their victims from friends and family. Post-divorce, it’s vital to reconnect with your social support network.
  • The need to fix or change your ex: You may feel a misplaced duty to fix your abusive ex-partner, but it’s crucial to let go of this notion. Accept that you couldn’t have changed them; it’s a decision they must make themselves.
  • Guilt: Abusers often burden their victims with guilt, falsely blaming them for the abuse or making it seem as if they had the power to change the traumatic event. But that is not so. This trauma-related guilt is often misguided and must be let go.

These elements hold you back, keeping you stuck in a state of hurt. However, protective measures, like letting go of the past or having a restraining order against your abuser, are essential steps toward healing. Such things highlight what you need to protect yourself from and reinforce your rights as you transition from pain to peace.